Someone like me
Someone like me
I don’t usually find people I can relate to.
Yet I found one guy I’m like: “YES! He’s as crazy as I am!”
He’s got similar mental torments as I do.
Although he’s more talented…
Or at least in his own discipline. I don’t know if he beats me in mental torments. Like I’ve been places too. I feel like we could exchange notes. Mental notes.
I feel compare to him, other comedians are just dabbing when it comes to originality. He’s his own brand of whatever the heck this thing is?
And for me that’s the mark of genius, of completely independent novel thinking. And I can feel in him this tremendous appetite for making the world a better place and move people through his craft. It’s beautiful to watch. I’m not even jealous of that younger prick.
I love when I can fall in love with someone’s work. It’s inspiring. And It doesn’t happen that often. And I don’t think everyone would be receptive to his thing, but for some reason, It hits a string in you.
Like an emotional resonance.
His vibe wiggles a bit like your vibe.
And when you’re an homesick alien, you don’t get to meet others like you that often. Damn! Thanks for the internet, maybe the aliens will be able to find each others.
Maybe his, is Vibing even brighter than mine in some ways, but because He. Why am I even saying this? Is that jealousy? Is that self-conscious interruption? This kind of interruption is typical ADD without the H type of thinking. It’s like hyper-short attention span or getting lost in the sea of possibilities and trying one’s best to escape the patterns of life that are everywhere perhaps in an attempt to control the uncontrollable. But I’m older now. I don’t care about those things as much as I used to do. There’s something about banging your head against an invisible wall that eventually hurt your neck. Maybe that’s why he’s got such a long neck like mine and is built also like a stick insect. Maybe we were praying mantis in a previous life. You know, the only male that’s meat to his female after copulation. The archetypal beta male. The winner of the reproductive game in praying mantis lose his head. Maybe that’s why we tend to seek the subconscious bullying by over-controlling women in order to feel complete? We’re just reincarnations of Praying Mantises, males, I must precise.
In a way It’s like seeing me younger. Cause he’s younger. His name is Bo Burnham. Check him out.
I don’t think I’ll publish this article on Medium, cause It’s overly personal, but maybe I’ll change my mind. Writing this kind of flow of thinking kind of thing isn’t necessarily read that much by people it seems. Or is that maybe because not many people write in that kind of way?
Who knows why?
Maybe cause It is difficult?
No market?
Who knows? I don’t. Why do I ask the question If I don’t know the response. Is it to make my audience ponder upon things and yet leave them hanging cause I think the gold is in making your reader think their own thoughts instead of serving them cooked food for thoughts?
Difficult to read, to parse, or It’s just different in a way that’s not entertaining enough or I suck at marketing, or I suck at wanting to do marketing, because such a bore it is? It’s probably a chain of reasons that at least start with not wanting to do it. And also people will think that I’m just repeating kind of kind repeatedly, yet I don’t think that they picture it being as entertaining like kind of like the way that I picture it repeatedly in my head.
So I’m not sure If they’ll be able to grab the subtleties of a brain that things in multiple degrees of metaness and screw up with normal word structure just because It’s one thing amongst the infinite amount of possibilities that is not yet forbidden by some sort of metaphysical grammar police.
And still I tried to calm them down.
What am I referring to by ‘them’, you will never know. Because I edited stuff before I forgot.
I don’t know If I’m just bad at writing or I suck at Marketing. Did I say that already?
Maybe I’ll just write an other sentence here.
Gosh, I feel like I invented this kind of meta-humour and absolutely no coherent transitioning a while ago yet I didn’t really have the patience or willingness to push all that nonsensical metaphysical meta writing in a way that made it like I would be doing something else with my life than being a developer/design/entrepreneur turned “software for the mind writer”. I think I would like to be a writer that would write just random stuff if and only if It would be something that people would be receptive to in some ways.
I don’t know, maybe there’s a thing about stream of consciousness type of writing that not everyone necessarily have the stupidity to put forth.
I’m sure I already wrote this kind of sentence before, like many times. But anyone who would read this would not know for sure. Maybe It’s their first introduction to me. You must ease them into your ways.
Why would anyone be interested in reading more sentences that refer to something in my personal life? I could think of watching Bo Burnham how entertaining It can be for a brief moment of time to leave your brain in the safe hands of a mad person.
Give me/you/someone a break from life. Makes me/you/someone feel like my life ain’t so bad since yours suck a whole lot more. We’re comparative species. Something to do with Neurons and Mirrors.
Yet in that case. I don’t really feel jealous of that dude. No. I wanna give him hugs, and say: “You cool enough, just chill”.
But that being said, I wonder if actually his ‘mental health’ issues can be part of the show. I could think that It’s something I’d be willing to do if It could help someone feel better about themselves. A kind of dark knight of the soul kinda thing. Secretly already happy, but will help fellow human beings into thinking I’m worse than I am so they can relate finally in a world where being vulnerable isn’t really much of a cool thing.
Otherwise, I wanna drop the typical one liner of the dude who made it once and is now projecting his insecurities of not having pushed enough to make it twice, a brief moment of fleeting fame is all we can aspire to, so that sentence is “I was like you at your age”. ‘In much less successful you bastard’
That part is the subtext that I wouldn’t say but would be thinking. Makes me think that I ought to write a screenplay with the subtext of what all the characters are thinking. Like voice over of their thoughts. It’s been done before. But that’s ok. I can do something that someone has done before, but better. Because everything is like that. If it’s completely unoriginal It won’t be considered an erastz of, but if It’s a bit like an original thing than you run the risk of copycatting.
Thing I’d say to him is that: “You don’t need to be the best. Just stop trying. Let It slide”. The youthful overwhelming desire to make it and be recognised is a bottomless pit. Your bucket of love will never be filled if there’s a whole at the bottom. All you need is a good fatherly proxy that tells you: “You’re OK just the way that you are”. It’s funny, but some amazing kids never get told those simple words that would just fix them for life. If only we could teach fathers to not suck anymore.
Alien People like that: co-morbid bipolar, Adhd, Asperger, schizo-crazy genius types, we don’t always have brakes that normal people have when they’re thinking. So It can be terrifying. Imagination can be your best enemies and your worst friend. Imagine for instance that if you really wanted to, you could just grab a knife and stab everyone in your vicinity. He said casually
Well it is technically possible. Then you’d have to pay the price, you’d be in jail and so on… But It’s within the range of what’s possible.
You could do a whole lot of mayhem very easily if you wanted to. You could do a lot of good too. You could give dedicated attention to all homeless folks in your town. You could fill the walls with posters spreading love… You have a lot of power and a lot of possible scenarios for whatever could happen at any instant. And the more open you are to possibilities, the more you realise how much untapped potential everyone has. And that realisation when your mind is not bounded by mental shackles is one that a wandering mind will ponder upon.
Imagine if you had the power of projecting yourself into any person?
Some characters are rather entertaining, some are rather terrifying. Being able to embody a huge range of emotional variety is typical bipolar gift/curse dichotomy. And I wish we had special schools for special cases like this. To make sure their specialness is cultivated and not considered an ailment. Kinda like an Xmen for neuro-diverse folks. It seems as if his way of working is almost a form of art therapy. And some of the most profound works of he(art) can come from that.
Navigating the realm of infinite emotional and creative possibilities is more fear inducing than it sounds.
A mass extinction event in the next year or so is also possible.
That or we all find the cure of stupidity and become a rainbow nation.
So many things are within the spectrum, which leave some pretty terrifying prospects when you let your mind wander in those dark alleys. And that’s what feeds a lot of paranoia and conspiration theories. If you let fear take hold of your imagination, you’re up for a spin down the downward spiral.
But you also appreciate your gifts and your thirst for novelty is unquenchable, you want to think something that no one as ever thought before. And sometimes It just happens to you. Hence how genius and madness comes in pair. A Genius is a mad person that remains grounded in reality in graceful manners. Make sure you to tie that helium filled balloon of a mind to the ground real solid, or It’s gonna fly away...
I read in Scientific American Mind that the genius mind is different in nature. It’s not just a faster CPU, It’s more of a quantum brain actually. Considering many possibilities, thinking in trees.
So a pure Asperger can be extremely smart, good at pattern recognition, high-clock people, but they won’t have the huge imagination that the dyslexic/adhd/schizotipal people have.
The artists types… So when you have both, congrats maybe you’re a genius. hyper-left, hyper-right, and little in between. It’s like you’re wired upside down.
Just like that part of his show, Left brain/Right brain divide, I feel the exact same way:
Like Bo, My two hemispheres are constantly in conflict.
It’s like they’re further apart than most people. Most people are in the middle, bit of this, bit of that.
But I, and this dude probably, are a lot of one and the other, and no little bit is possible.
It’s like the current that goes through your neurons is constantly racing at 1.5 times light speed for some reasons. Maybe an hyper-vigilance to the chaotic nature of life If I follow the literature on traumatic body armouring from Wilelhm Reich. And trauma maybe due to having one’s head chopped off due to the bitter end after an intercourse in one’s previous life with a cannibalistic partner.
Who knows how that thing work? My mind thrive in finding patterns in chaos and provoking chaos in rigid patterns. Well, It’s not because an immense majority of people are mad and have a very flawed understanding of the underlying rules of reality, that they are sane. So they need a bit of help.
I’m just starting at 38 to slow down enough that those two forces can mix in ways that are manageable.
Who knows, maybe there’s a thing about the break pedal that will allow you/me to finally enjoy the race of life even though me/you is not winning?
His last special on Netflix, was really HARD to watch.
